Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I guess people feel down at some(or many) point of their life: Hurt by disappointment or feeling too trapped in one's mind. Sometimes, we just can't be bothered or dare not let that kind of emotion show until when you simply can't control and let the tears loose. Perhaps it's a kind of instinct that make us bottle up our problems, even from our closest friends.These few days, I'm feeling total suffocation just out of a sudden. One day, I was packing my school stuff while watching television and this thought came to my mind: What is my expectations? What is the purpose I should seek in my life? To my horror, I can't answer these questions, not even the basic first one.I don't have any expectations in life right now. I never held much expectations for my studies ever since I stepped foot into TP. I was just there, dealing everything as they come. Perhaps it was the fact that my mum always tell me that if you face everything normally, then you can perform up to your standards. I listened to her advice and there, I got the results.The problem is, everything is too clear-cut. People expect me to do well and so I did, but the kind of expectation is just not there. In my secondary school days, I got all nervous whenever I have to take back a paper but in TP, I feel absolutely nothing. Just like: 'I know I will get not-too-bad of a score', so what is there to be nervous about? I'm desperately in need of an aim. I need a goal to work hard towards. A goal should be something set high, not easily attainable and very difficult to keep. Sis had once told me, "You never have to work hard for anything, they just come your way whether you want it or not."Believe it or not, it isn't a very good feeling to do well in the subjects.I want that feeling of working hard, seriously. Right now, the main goal of my life is to find a goal for my life and when I find it, I will be much much happier.The worst thing is I don't know how to let my unhappiness go. I want to cry but I don't even know how to do it. All right, I'll stop brooding over something so aimless.Mai: In some way or another, I understand how you feel. Just give yourself time to recuperate and then seek out your own path, don't bother about what other people think or say.
My life has got no excitement. No straying of path either. That's why it's SO DRY.
-CLMS-
Yposted @
6:51 PM
